Joy and No Money

I met with Taylor
In the sparkly pink indian wrap
her glasses with the bling

I sat on her fold out couch
This time I was smiling and happy
I did not know what to expect

Last time I was a mess

It took me an hour and a half
to find an appointment that was less than five minutes
down the street

My husband gave me the wrong directions
I circled the office park out by the airport
for 45 minutes
until I was howling, spitting obscenities,
tears coming I didn't care who saw

I had dressed in a knee length
black and white spotted skirt
a black ruched t-shirt
and I carried my train case of
bottle cap jewelry

To show that I HAD been doing something with my time

Already out by the airport
I decided I might as well drive
to the plant
and have my husband figure out my dilemma

I cried
loudly
banging the steering wheel
all they way there

He opened the door
and said I'll take you

I didn't accuse him
I could have looked it up myself
Except I'd torn out the map in the phone book
to give to a visitor
a long time ago

Eventually we figured out where I was supposed to meet
Taylor
I figure if I write down her name three times
Maybe I'll remember it

I couldn't remember who I was seeing that day
Despite knowing very clearly who I was to meet
with when I'd left the house
with my blue train case with the white piping

Because I couldn't remember her name I went
to the Job Council
(Another name for "unemployment")
Who looked at me as if I had the plague
"You wanted to see whom?" They asked.

I looked at my husband through my snot and tears
and shrugged my shoulders.

This was a much better meeting with Taylor

Even though I'd had it on my brain board for weeks
Even though I'd told myself five times,
"Today,
3:00.
Today."
At 2:50 I had fished five boys out of the Country Club swimming pool
Two had to go over the Siskiyous to a sleepover at grandma's
Two had to be deliverd back to the house from whence they'd come,
and one . . . well he was only five, I figured he could hang
with the first two while they got ready to go to grandma's
and then I could deliver them all to the five year olds where they would
meet up with his nine year-old brother, because he was going over the Siskiyous
with the first two.
He had been at a physical

So, it is easy to see why I didn't remember,
despite telling myself every day for two weeks,
and five times that day,
my 3:00 appointment
until 2:50

I was bringing to car to a halt at a stopsign
Near the house with the Ogre sized stones out front.
Bing
My inner clock went off
At least it still goes off
3:00
it said

OMIGOD

You two be ready to get dropped
You other two be ready to load your overnight bag
You little one, hang tight and I'll figure it out . . .
Rmmmm, vrmmmm.

I called little one's mom upon rushed entry
The older two I set to packing up their computer games
and pokemon cards
I told the mom my dilemma,
dah, dah, dah,

She came to my rescue.
I pulled out and still made my appointment
with a few minutes to spare.

Granted I had on a straw hat with beach shells
and a mermaid on its crown, sunglasses, and a cover up.

Good thing I wasn't dressed in my bathing suit.

Still I would've gone to meet Taylor
in her pink and silver spangled shawl
Especially after the first time
the tear stained
red-faced
non-verbal time

She thought I was happy
that life actually was perfect
just the way it was

I agreed
Taking care of kids, garden, animals,
and making bottle cap jewelry on the side
in the hours in between
Taking my kids to camps, lessons, friends, the pool
Foraging at the Grocery Outlet
The two-a-day laundry shuffle
plus three meals a day plus snacks,
I'm good.

It did feel nice to hear
that I am a joyous and open person
even if I can't operate a cash register